Do you want a man to want you, desire you and see you as the one? When I was dating, I wanted a long-term committed relationship. But it’s almost as if men knew this too and made a point to stay away from me. It seemed near impossible to get a man to commit. If you’re in a similar predicament, I feel your pain. So is there a way to make him see you as the one?
I assume, like some kind of Hollywood movie, you’ve met this wonderful guy. You’re finishing each other’s sentences. You’re spending more and more time together. You finally feel a sense of comfort and peace that only comes when things are going swimmingly well.
You’re deeply in love with him and believe he’s in love with you too… you see in the not too distant future a romantic sunset wedding, kids, dogs, a cozy house with a picket fence and happy family road trips together… it’s like the perfect dream come true.
But then a part of you is also uncertain and afraid that he doesn’t feel the same. He’s sometimes distant. He doesn’t talk about marriage and kids with you – in fact, he avoids it. He may be happy to stay over and spend the weekend with you but talk of commitment seems to make him freeze.
Sometimes he makes insensitive comments – comments that place doubt in your mind. You have this paralyzing thought that perhaps you’re wrong, he’s had second thoughts and you’re not “quite” the one for him. Perhaps the next blow up will reveal it all and he’ll be gone, like all the others.
And then you’re filled with anxiety and dread.
It’s tough when the progression of a relationship stalls or worse, goes backwards. When a man insists on taking things slow or seems to withdraw out of nowhere, it can be rather upsetting.
Don’t worry, I’ve been where you are and as bad as it may feel in the moment, I’m about to reveal 5 hacks into a male mind that will plant the seed in his mind that you’re “the one” for him and reverse the situation so he’s the one doting on you and devoting to you willingly.
Pay attention. Here are my top 5 ways on how to make him see you as the one:
#1 – The “Devoted Supporter” Tactic
Deep down any man is the desire to find a woman who can be his “devoted supporter”. Most men feel the pressure to fend for themselves in society. They’re often told that a “real man” should do things on his own. He should be able to support his own way.
But the truth is men can feel just as vulnerable as women. They just tend to be less vocal about it. A lot of men who act tough and macho are trying to overcompensate for their inner feelings of inadequacy. This is a curse that plagues most men.
When he sees you as his devoted supporter, you’re telling him, “I’m on YOUR side. I believe in you and I trust you.” This is a deep primal need for a man. To send this message to a man is the equivalent to flipping a switch inside him that “you are the one” for him.
Warning! Most women fail to communicate properly with men because they assume men communicate like women do. They don’t. The following is what you should do to make a man understand you’re his “devoted supporter”.
Use words like: believe, support, trust, appreciate and agree.
Avoid using the words: but, however, always, never.
“I believe in you.”
“I support you and your decision.”
“I trust you’ll do the right thing.”
“I agree with you.”
Show him through your actions, here’s how:
- Do not argue against him when around other people. To a man this is seen as you siding with others against him. If you don’t agree, it’s better to not say anything and mention it later when you’re alone.
- Do not complain about him not spending enough time with you when he is trying to pursue his goals/dreams/a better future for him and you.
- Do not take away his freedom – especially his desire to see his friends or how he wants to spend his free time. The more you try to control him, the more he’ll resent you.
- Do not be overly critical. For example, if he is washing up, taking the garbage out, vacuuming the floor or buying something from the grocery store, do not undermine him and assume he can’t do it. If you have particular needs, coach him through with clear instructions and have ample patience. When you won’t let him do something it’s like saying to him, “I don’t trust you.”
#2 – The “Respect Principle”
Unfortunately women are not brought up to respect men. We’re told, “Men should respect us. Men should treat us like a princess.” But this concept goes both ways.
If you want his respect, you must respect him first. Respect is oftentimes more important than “love” to a man. A man will feel your love for him as more “pure” when he knows you respect him.
The way you show a man you respect him is this: “His thoughts, needs and time are just as important as your own.”
Never assume you have control of it just because you’re his girlfriend. The best way to have power over a man is when he GIVES you that power willingly. Not by forcibly demanding for it.
I’ve heard stories of women getting upset when their man won’t do the same activities as them, or when their man have different needs as them or when their man’s opinions are different from their own.
These women do not respect their man. They may say with words they love him, but they’re not showing it through their actions.
Here’s what respect looks like:
- Ask him if he’s busy and if he has time to talk. Do this instead of demanding he spend time with you or talk to you.
- Ask him how his day went and be genuinely interested in what he has to say.
- Even if you don’t agree with his opinion, listen to his side, respect his opinion and agree to disagree.
- Ask for and consider his opinion on important matters, such as: How you’ll spend your weekend, how you’ll spend the holidays, what are his opinions on marriage and kids, what are his opinion on his and your career, on where you’ll live or on your family situations.
- Let him know at all times where you are so he doesn’t have to guess.
- Respond and acknowledge every message, question or comment he makes your way. (I’ve been guilty of this one). Do not stonewall or ignore him.
#3 – The “Be Irresistibly Confident” Philosophy
It’s so easy to get into a relationship and lose yourself. When you’re single you have little choice but to devote hours and hours of time to yourself. It’s one of the great perks of being single. But when you’re in a relationship this concept can easily slip away from us.
Your man has needs and demands. You must keep him happy. You want to keep him happy. So you sacrifice “me time” for “we time”.
But this is a mistake. Even though a man may want you to spend time with him or dot on him, what he actually wants is for you to keep your own life, dreams and goals.
And that means to continue to “work on yourself” and “love yourself”.
Do the things that make you happy, confident and positive about yourself. Things like:
- Going to the gym
- Eating healthy
- Putting on make up (not just for him) but for yourself too.
- Socializing with your friends
- Pampering yourself
- Doing what you love
Sometimes you may have to say, “Sorry honey, I can’t spend time with you tonight, I want to read this great book instead.”
Or, “I would love to go out with you and your friends, but I think I’d rather stay in and watch Sex and the City reruns.”
This is harder than it looks and I certainly still struggle with this at times. Women tend to feel far more guilty about this than men. And unfortunately men can often make us feel guilty too!
But remember a man who truly loves you will want you to be you and do what you love. You shouldn’t expect to be joined at the hip at all time. Time apart is healthy and a great way to revive some spark back into your relationship.
#4 – The Appreciative Act
One secret about men that most women overlook is a man’s desire to feel appreciated. It’s not just women who need this on a regular basis. Men do too but not in the way you may assume.
I find that most women are too busy focusing on what they’re doing or not doing. They often forget to show appreciation for what their man is doing.
For example, if you were ten minutes late to your date, instead of saying to him, “I’m so sorry I was late again, I’m a terrible girlfriend.” Say instead, “Thank you for waiting for me. You’re the best.”
Instead of greeting your man at the door with dinner ready, hug him tight and whisper to him, “I appreciate all the hard work you do to provide for us.”
The act of appreciation is twofold. It makes your man feel good, which in turn will encourage him to do more of that behaviour and it will also make you feel good for making his day a little brighter.
I encourage women to do less of the things that they THINK will make a man appreciative eg. Cooking for him, cleaning up after him, having sex with him. Instead tell him how much you appreciate the things HE does for you.
When you do less for a man, you prevent the prospect of being taken advantage of. When you appreciate him more, you increase the chances of a man doing more for you. And once again this will make you feel more appreciative. This creates a positive win-win for both of you.
#5 – Push Him To Be Better
A lot of women don’t realize this but when you push a man to be a better man, he’ll come to need you in his life. Most men don’t want a woman who is a doormat. This is especially the case if he has a submissive mother who allowed him to get away with everything.
Men understand how competitive life can be. They also know that in order to get ahead, feel good about themselves and have a better life, they must work hard and push themselves. They want a woman who also understands this and will not allow him to slack.
Do not mistake pushing and criticizing your man as the same thing. Pushing your man to get a job when he is unemployed is a good thing. Criticizing him for being “lazy and stupid” is not. One pushes a man into a specific action, the other simply attacks a man’s character. Be careful of the approach you use. Also keep in mind some men are generally “lazier” than other men. Some men don’t like you to push them at all. These are the kind of men you should dump because they’ll likely keep you down with them.
So what have we learned here? Be indispensable. He’ll come to view you as his life line. Once the bond is there, he won’t dare let go. He’ll depend on you. Hell see you are necessary for his growth and development. He’ll cling onto you and become emotionally needy. It’s human nature to hold onto something that’s precious to us. Once he sees you as the one for him, he will make abundantly obvious that you’re his and he loves you. He will make you feel infinitely more secure and loved.
You know you’ve found the right man when there’s no fear or insecurity, only love, comfort and contentment.