Online dating is THE place to score easy and fun dates nowadays. It’s no longer seen as “weird” to do so. There are so many different apps and dating sites (Zoosk, Match, eHarmony, Tinder, Bumble, CoffeeMeetsBagel to name a few) to keep things interesting. It has become “the norm” to dating.
BUT… are you having any luck?
If you’ve just started online dating or you’re getting lackluster results from it, don’t worry! I’m here to give you some best online dating tips (and online dating profile tips) on how to get the MOST out of online dating. More importantly that starts with your Online Dating Profile.
First of all, I met two of my past partners via Online Dating – both of which turned into long term relationships. One of which is now my husband. So online dating definitely WORKS.
Research has shown that 1/3 of married couples have met through Online Dating. It’s proof of how successful it can be to meet the love of your life.
However, there is a RIGHT way and a WRONG way to use it.
Those who use it poorly will get poor results. Those who use the tool correctly will of course, get the best results. This is one of those areas where you truly get back what you put in!
Things You Should Know Before You Start Online Dating
Writing an online profile is only one small part of the equation. Let’s have a quick view of the bigger picture.
1. Don’t Forget the “Dating” in Online Dating
Once you start “online dating”, the real measure of success comes from how many real face-to-face dates you go on.
Chatting to people online isn’t really “dating”. There’s only so much information you can gather from behind a computer screen. The REAL screening happens when you meet in person.
Your brain is the perfect matchmaker when it comes to picking out the perfect match for you. You will often know within minutes of meeting whether there is “chemistry” or not.
And that’s the whole point of dating… to not only figure out your compatibility level but also your natural chemistry with someone.
When I met my husband online, we were long distance for the first three months of our relationship. It sucked because although we were very compatible texting and speaking on the phone, I couldn’t be 100% sure we had chemistry until we met in person. And photos were not enough to tell either.
So first rule of thumb: once surface level compatibility is established, meet in person as soon as possible!
2. Know Your Outcome
Most people are not clear on what they want when they start. I made this mistake too and it took me one year+ of “online dating” before I figured out the problem. I wasn’t clear on my outcome.
I thought I wanted a relationship… but I also didn’t want a relationship. I thought I wanted to date casually… but I also didn’t want aimless hook ups. What did I want? I couldn’t figure it out. I guess I just thought at the time if I met someone great, I would just know and go from there.
If you’re not clear on your outcome, expect to waste a LOT of time dating online or offline. Plus expect to mislead a few people too because you’ll act one way one day and the other way the next.
Get clear on what exactly you want.
Now that’s out of the way.
Here’s how to write the perfect online dating profile, so you can attract three times MORE quality dates than ever before.
Tip #1 – The Most Important Piece of Real Estate On Your Profile Is… Your Photos
If all you did was put up exceptional photos and did nothing else, you would still get plenty of messages from men.
The problem with this is you won’t get QUALITY messages. Ever gotten messages like “Hi or hey” or some sexual comment about the way you look?
You might as well mark those as SPAM. That’s why writing a good profile is also important.
However, I don’t want to get to that yet without mentioning your photos.
Good quality photos will enable you to attract MORE men and more of the RIGHT men.
Good quality photos will also increase the chance of men responding to your messages.
Tips for Online Profile Photos:
You want to a MINIMUM of three photos. Any less and you’re drastically lowering your chances to get messages.
Your three photos should be:
- First photo should be a naturally smiling face shot.
- Second photo should be a full body shot. (If you don’t show it, men assume you have something to hide.)
- Third photo should be an action shot that shows off your personality. For example, a photo of you hiking, laughing with friends, playing with your dog, being silly to the camera etc. Show your fun side if you’re a fun person. Show your active side if you’re an active person. Show your intellectual side if you’re an intellect. You get the point.
Make sure all photos are:
- Brightly lit. Preferably with natural light.
- Not blurry or fuzzy.
- Wear comfortable everyday, casual clothes. Nothing too dressed up, slutty or formal. Men want to imagine what you’d look like on an every day basis – not something you’d put on once in a blue moon.
- Sexy pictures. Eg. Bikini shots. Cleavage shots. Short dresses, mini skirts. Any outfit where you’re showing a lot of skin.
- Weird angles.
- Bitch faces.
- Duck faces.
- Pictures with other men, your kids or too many with friends.
WARNING about sexy photos.
Be careful. A woman’s perspective of her own photo is often DIFFERENT from a man’s perspective.
For example, it’s common that a photo you and your girlfriends think makes you look flattering, is often seen as sexual from a man’s point of view.
If you wear anything that reveals your chest, eg. singlets, V neck t-shirts, it could be seen in a sexual way. Especially if it’s from a top down angle!
The simple solution is to avoid top down angles… or any weird angles. Stick to the conventional straight on shot. It’s more classy and will do the job nicely.
Note: Girls on the “bigger” or “smaller” side.
Not happy with your body?
I understand the temptation to shoot from your most “flattering” angles, and straight on angles will not always give you that. I get it.
But contrary to what you may believe, a woman’s “body size” is not what sticks out the most in a man’s eyes.
What sticks out is your ATTITUDE.
So if you want to attract more men, despite your size, think about what kind of “attitude” you’re showing off in the photo.
Is your attitude positive? Are you being feminine? Are you having fun in the shot? Are you showing off your curves or lack of? Or are you just standing there awkwardly, trying to avoid the camera or even looking embarrassed at having a photo taken of you?
As with anything, it’s about confidence! So show your confidence loud and clearly in your photo. Love what you have. And men will flock to you!
Tip #2 – The Second Most Important Piece of Real Estate On Your Profile Is… Your “About Me” Section
This section may be called different things on different dating sites. It’s basically a description of yourself.
Please do not underestimate the importance of this area!
A guy is browsing through online profiles. He’s looking at photos. He lands on yours. It’s a nice smiling head shot. He thinks to himself, “she’s cute”. He clicks into the profile. The very next thing he looks for is…. the About Me section!
If you don’t want men to send you two-word messages, you must put effort into the About Me section.
There are two types of men who message women online.
- Type A: Those who Mass Message anyone who looks appealing.
They will be the “hi or hey” variety. As well as the “copy and paste” variety. They’re not going to bother spending time constructing a thoughtful message. It’s all about numbers for them. They just want to get laid or find someone cute to go on a date with.
Even if you do respond, you’ll get very little back from these men.
- Type B: Those who pick a HANDFUL of women to message. And ignore the rest.
They will read your profile, scan it for useful information, decide whether you sound interesting or not, and THEN decide how to message you. Each message will be tailored to the individual they decide to message because they want you to respond, they want to get to know you and if all goes well, take you on a proper date!
Obviously, you want more of the Type B variety to message you. That’s where your online profile “About Me” section needs to shine.
Tip #3 – Keep It Short & Sweet
The most ideal length for the About Me section should be between 100-200 words.
Fewer than 100 words and you risk sounding rushed, generic and not likely to engage in a decent conversation. The fewer words you say, the more a man has reason to judge you and possibly dismiss you.
More than 200 words and your About Me section starts to look intimidating. The more words there are to read, the more likely a man will not bother reading it – which means you’ll invite more Type As to message you.
When women get “wordy” they tend to make a list of what they want, don’t want and it can quickly turn into a rant session.
This spells Demanding with a capital D! Even if a decent guy reads your list and checks all of your boxes, he’s going to stay away. Who wants to date someone with that much pressure put on them?
Keep your profile short, sweet and positive. A man’s more likely to assume you’re a catch and fill in the rest with his imagination.
Tip #4 – Positive Stuff ONLY
You’d be surprised how many women list they’re fun and positive, yet at the end list what kind of men should stay away.
Never EVER put anything negative in your profile. Unless you want to scare good men away and only attract douchebags.
When you write things like:
“Players don’t message me.”
“Will not respond if you’re just after sex.”
“Hates online dating.”
“There are no decent men left.”
“Don’t message me if you’re gonna lie like the last guy.”
“Don’t message me if….”
You’ll only attract the very kind of men you DON’T want.
It’s like putting a huge red highlight around your flaws.
Decent men wouldn’t think to do these things in the first place. It’s not even on their mind. However bad men would see this as a “way in”, because clearly you’ve attracted this type in the past, which means you’re more likely to respond again!
You might as well write:
“Players please message me.”
“I will respond immediately if you write something sexual to me.”
“I love to complain about online dating, so please annoy me and waste my time.”
“I love being single or being treated badly by men.”
“Message me if you’re a liar, cheater and will definitely abuse me in the future.”
“Message me if….”
Men don’t care about your words. They care about your actions. Negative actions will attract negative people.
Read your profile for ANY negativity. And remove them.
It’s better to be generic than negative. If your profile sounds cheesy and cliché, that is still 10x better than sharing one single negative comment about men.
Tip #5 – Put Yourself First
Ok I get that your kids are important to you. I get you need to tell everyone how much you love your kids and they mean the world to you. But your About Me section is NOT the place for it.
First of all any guy would figure that out by reading the Status section of your profile. This is the part that lists your race, height, age, location etc.
And second, if you start a conversation with a man, they will quickly figure that out too.
Highlighting your kids is just as bad as putting something negative there.
The About Me section is purely to sell yourself and get men to message you. That’s it!
It is NOT a filtering system. It may “seem” that way, but it’s not. You should be filtering men based on their profile and their message to you.
Repeat, the About Me is NOT a filtering system – it is purely to SELL YOURSELF.
Most men won’t see the fact you have kids with another man as a selling point. So keep it out.
Tip #6 – Use Lists
Lists are a great way to highlight the most important traits about you without getting into details.
Unless you’re a writer and want to attract a writer, avoid getting super creative. If you want to boast about your writing abilities, ask men to message you for a sample. This works a LOT better than using the About Me section to “show off”.
The profiles that get the most attention are positive but vague. But of course you don’t want to be TOO vague either.
Here’s an example:
I’m an artsy girl who spends her days drawing, brainstorming, drawing and more problem solving. I’m big on self-development so: being healthy, keeping fit, developing myself socially, intellectually, spiritually, financially and artistically are important to me.
I’m fit, sweet, caring and down to earth person, I love outdoor activities, camping, fishing, hiking, rock climbing, bush walking and also travelling, love bars and restaurants as well, and some of my passion is cooking love to cook food with my family and friends.
Lists are like keywords for your personality.
Most people scan. They don’t read.
Use keywords and lists to capture people’s attention (and short attention spans) and you’ll get more messages this way.
It’s also easier to write.
SUPER Tip #7 – Mention You Want to Meet New People
This is a super tip. In my opinion, it’s the fastest way to get the MOST amount of decent men to message you straight away.
Have you ever noticed when you’re new to an area, people are usually VERY helpful and friendly? But when you’ve been living somewhere for a long time, you tend to think people are rude, impatient and selfish?
Why is that?
Because when you’re new to an area, you know you have to meet people. So you’re naturally more friendly and approachable.
This concept applies here.
When you say you want to meet new people, you imply you’re friendly and approachable. These are top traits men look for when it comes to initiating a conversation.
And that is the point of a good profile! You want the most amount of messages from the most decent men in your area. You also want to weed out the douchebags, which I’ve already mentioned how to do.
Another benefit of saying you want to meet new people is it instantly relieves him of any pressure.
Unlike most women who makes a list of what they want, don’t want, who can and who can’t message them. These become roadblocks for bad AND good men.
Instead you want to get rid of any roadblocks. By saying you have no expectations and you just want to meet new people, you’re opening yourself up for QUALITY men to message you.
Yes you’ll still get player types message you, but you’ll always get those. Thankfully they are simply a “Delete” button click away.
The important thing is you’ll be getting messages from good QUALITY men. You want to put a star around those!
I’m a huge fan of online dating and as you can see – it’s easy to make a few adjustments and get great success. It’s also easy to do things WRONG and get little or no results.
Now, after implementing these tactics, you’ll get plenty of attention from men. But how do you know which men are the “good guys”? How can you make sure you’re only attracting QUALITY men? And once you find a quality guy, how can you make sure he falls head over heels in love with you?