Hey sexy girl!
This week is a new instalment of “The Secret to Make Him Chase You” series. In Part 1 and 2 I laid the foundation for fundamental things women need to know to get a man to chase. If you haven’t had a look at those yet, I strongly suggest you start there first!
In Part 3 we’re going to dive into the sneaky male psychological triggers – triggers you awaken in a man by doing the “right” things – to get a man to almost irrationally pursue you.
Why do we need to use psychological triggers? Why won’t a man simply see how amazing we are and come after us?
When it comes to being irresistible – there are the external factors; the outer layers, the parts that your man can visually see and experience for himself. And then there are the internal factors. These are the layers underneath that he will need to discover by digging it out like a treasure chest full of gold.
Your job is not only to hold the gold (metaphorically speaking) – but to give him clues that will lead him there.
That means being “amazing” and living an “amazing” life is MEANINGLESS if a man doesn’t know about it.
Just as a treasure chest full of gold is ultimately meaningless if you don’t know it exists.
Note: There’s nothing wrong with living an amazing life and being amazing just for yourself. In fact, I highly encourage you do this regardless of having a man or not in your life. But this series is about attracting men. If you want to attract men, you need to promote yourself in the right light.
The best way to do this is to use “Emotional Carrots” to lure a man towards you.
Emotional carrots act like triggers in a man’s psyche. They hit on the very things human beings are attracted to. It’s rooted deep in our psychology because they’re linked to human survival.
Food and sex are linked to pleasure. Even if you will yourself not to, you need food to survive and eventually you will have to eat.
Sharp objects and weird noises in the night are linked to danger. As much as you can try to “override” these associations, you’ll find it very hard to do so. These associations are linked deep in your neural system – your animal brain.
Emotional carrots work in a similar way with men. I use the word “emotional” because we act on emotions and then reason with logic. Rarely do we act on pure logic alone.
These devices are very powerful and you must use them sparingly and with care.
Overdo it and a man will catch on that something’s up. The LAST thing you want is for a man to suspect you’re playing games with him. Some games are ok – but too much game playing signals insincerity.
For a man to chase you and keep chasing you, you must envelope him in a sense of trust and safely. If he senses you’re being deceitful, he will run a mile away.
But of course you wouldn’t do that. Everything we talk about is about being AUTHENTIC and GENUINE.
Ok, now that little warning is out of the way, let’s get to the first Emotional Carrot.
Emotional Carrot #1 – Intrigue Device
The art of persuasion starts with intrigue. Most women kill all the fun by revealing too much too soon or not revealing anything at all.
Human beings are drawn to mystery and the unknown – especially men. Men are born explorers. Early cave men crossed whole countries in search of food. The unknown terrain and ocean did not deter them – they were excited by it!
The art of intrigue is even more prevalent in today’s age. With things like Online Dating sites like eHarmony and Online dating apps like Tinder, we’re inundated by hundreds of possible matches every day.
People complain that there are “too many options”. And that’s what’s wrong with dating these days. Too many options mean that men are less committal and women are pickier.
There’s some truth to that. But most women do not have a “plan”.
Most women take the backseat and “wait” for a man to do all the heavy lifting. Most women don’t understand their own true worth or how to show off their worth in a way that makes men chase them.
Some women may get a man’s visual interest – using their looks to attract attention – but looks alone can not keep a man’s interest. If you want a man chasing, calling and pursuing you for a relationship – you need this Emotional Carrot: Intrigue.
Intrigue is about controlling “tension” between you and your man that naturally exists in dating. During dating there are a lot of unknowns.
You don’t know how he really feels about you.
He doesn’t know what you’re really thinking about him.
This lack of information is actually a GOOD thing. It sets the stage for you to create and manipulate “tension”.
You can and should “control” how much your man is able to know about you. The question you always want him to ask himself is, “Does she really like me? How much does she like me?”
Consider how profoundly powerful this last question is.
The fact that he doesn’t know [for sure] is what will keep him coming back.
A man meets a woman and he’s instantly attracted to her. He likes what he sees and instinctively he wants to get to know her. At this stage he doesn’t know anything about her, but he’s intrigued.
He asks for her number, she gives it and he goes on his way.
Later they get into a texting conversation – back and forth, back and forth – possibly for HOURS.
She clearly likes him and wants to make it known she’s into him… a lot. She answers all of his questions and asks him questions too.
They say good night and pick it up again the next day.
They have the usual conversations; how’s your day, how’s your weekend, what else is new. Nothing jumps out at him as being “intriguing”, just standard.
Although he is attracted to her, she had done zilch, nada, nothing to increase the tension between them.
If she wanted to increase the tension, she could have…
- Asked a thought-provoking question that he had to stop and think about.
- Given him a “highlight reel” of her life (interests, aspirations, life beliefs etc)
- She could have teased him with a flirting comment and then left him hanging.
- She could have stopped responding for a day to make him guess “if she’s still interested anymore”.
- She could have talked about her unique and unconventional hobbies.
- Or joked with him in her own unique sense of humour.
Nope – instead she did what most women do – play it safe.
Although he was interested in her, the next week he meets another beautiful lady. He gets her number and starts a texting match with her instead.
What happened to the first lady? Unfortunately she was not intriguing enough. She was easily replaceable.
Don’t feel bad if you’ve carried on similarly standard/boring conversations and “hoped” a man liked you enough to keep things going.
We’ve all been there. Especially if there are ten guys you’re rotating conversations with on your phone. Can you really be entertaining to ALL of them?
Of course not. But out of ten to twenty men, there is going to be ONE you really like; the guy that is attractive AND has a good personality. These guys are rare. When you find one, you need to bring your A game. That means turning on your “intrigue emotional carrot”.
The art of intrigue is about doing things to “keep it interesting” for him. You don’t want to be predictable. But you don’t want to be a lose screw either. You want the “right” amount of tension to keep him wondering about you.
Mastering the element of intrigue will spice up your dating and relationship life. It will give you the ultimate control and confidence over men AND have quality men chasing you left and right!
Emotional Carrot #2 – Self-Interest Device
Most people have a natural interest in themselves. Consider how many hours in the day you spend thinking about yourself, your problems or what you’re going to do later. Consider how quickly you take an interest in a group discussion when the conversation turns toward you.
Most people are naturally self-obsessed. That’s not a bad thing. It means you’re normal.
When people talk about how “unselfishness” they are, you just have to look at where their altruism comes from. It often comes from a need to feel good about them. It comes from wanting to be liked or to be perceived a certain way.
To have self-interest is to have a healthy amount of love for yourself.
Keep this concept in mind when trying to get a man interested in you.
The fastest way for him to be interested is to show real genuine interest IN HIM.
Showing genuine interest isn’t about asking a million questions. It’s about listening and observing the other person on a deep level.
Most people don’t do this. Most people would rather do the talking than do the listening. Most people would rather have others show an interest in them than show interest in others.
Here’s an example:
Don’t simply take notice of what a man says. Take notice of what he doesn’t say.
Does he only ask questions about you but won’t answer much about him? Does he only make negative comments about his family? Is he very short and cold when he talks to you?
Does he remember little details about you? Is he being observant of you?
Take notice. Be observant.
When he is talking to you, are you watching him closely and reading his body language? Are you reacting in REAL TIME to what you’re observing? Or are you thinking about what you’re going to say next?
When you watch and listen to a man closely, you’ll start to pick up on clues to his psyche. You’ll discover what he needs, what he’s looking for and what “hole” he’s trying to fill.
Does he want to be successful? Does he want to be free? Does he want to feel understood? Does he just want to have sex? When you really pay attention, a man lays clues to how to really “get inside of him”.
For most men (and women too), we have a desire to feel NEEDED, LOVED and UNDERSTOOD. We’re all looking for another soul that sees us and understands us. We’re all looking to not be alone anymore.
Women misunderstand this when they try to act too independent. If a man is relationship-minded, there’s a deep part in him that wants to feel NEEDED.
If you act too independent – or give off that “I don’t need you to be happy/I don’t care” vibe – a man will quickly lose interest.
Now, you don’t want to overdo this. Some women are too dependent and they come across completely helpless on their own. This is also a turn off.
Remember what we discussed in Part 1 and 2 – live an amazing life. Then when you find a great man, you need to slowly – with baby steps – find uses for him. Make room for him to slot effortlessly into your life.
Here are some ideas for how to do that:
- Ask him for advice (something simple that you know he already knows. Do this even if you already know the answer).
- Ask him for his opinion (and accept his answer, even if you disagree).
- Ask him a specific question about something he told you (that he may have forgotten about. It shows you were paying attention).
- Make it known that he’s impressing you/pleasing you.
And then as your bond deepens, you can ask for more help/advice/ask him to go places with you/do errands with you etc.
Just remember to start with baby steps! Don’t make a man jump through major hoops in the beginning.
Make him feel needed.
Being observant is NOT the same as being overly analytical about every text message or action he does.
You want to observe him during face-to-face interactions – so you can respond in REAL TIME.
If you’re holed up in your room, sneakily Facebook stalking him or trying to decode the last three messages he sent you – you’re overthinking and possibly looking to self-sabotage.
During the DATING stage with a man, look at your overall interactions with him instead of the nitty gritty details. Your overall interactions will guide you towards making the right decision.
Want to know whether to date or ditch him? Check out my free Dating Men Checklist below:
Emotional Carrot #3 – Hard to Get Advanced
This section is all about TACTICS. The reason we need tactics is because women – if left to their own devices – will act on emotional instinct alone.
The problem with instinct is it will often change based on the guy, your mood and your previous experience. There are too many variables to guarantee a predictable outcome.
Tactics give you predictability – and that’s definitely a good thing.
In fact, I did a video on some of the tactics mentioned here.
These are ADVANCED tactics. And if you view them alone, they will look like you’re “playing hard to get”. But as I have said, there is a RIGHT way and a WRONG way to do it.
If you simply use tactics without an understanding of the steps that come before, they will NOT do you any good.
Ok, let’s get into the tactics.
a). Vary the rate of response to his messages.
Remember a ratio of 3:1. 3 times out of 4, you will answer slightly slower than normal. 1 out of 4 times you will answer immediately.
Slightly slower could mean you answer after two to three hours. And the one time you answer immediately. I find this to be a nice amount of spacing between conversations.
If you always respond immediately, it will kill that “tension” quickly too. Remember the art of intrigue. Always keep things interesting. Never be predictable.
b). Always end your date/conversation first.
This applies within the first month or two of dating. What this does is it ensures you make HIM work for you.
For the first date – to ensure you always end your date first, you want to give yourself a time limit of TWO HOURS MAX.
Second date and onward – if things are going well, you can lengthen the dates by an hour or two.
What you DON’T want to do is go on an eight-hour date on the first or second date.
I don’t care how much you like a guy or how strong the connection is… keep Date 1 and 2 short!
Remember, staying consistent will yield more consistent results! Do not deviate from this.
c). Drag out your dates
There is no law that says you need to accept the dates your guy sets. If you met on Monday and he asks you out on Tuesday, tell him you’re busy and to reschedule for a Friday or Saturday.
See how you’re cleverly making him wait? The act of waiting signals to a man that you’re “valuable”; you’re going to be more work than other women. If he isn’t willing to wait then cut your loses. You probably dodged a bullet anyway.
Waiting also tells you he can be patient and isn’t clingy or needy.
In the beginning you may want to limit your dates to ONE a week.
d). Always give him LESS than what he’s asking for
Once again, there is no rule that says you need to say “yes” to his every request. Just because he’s a catch doesn’t mean you should bend over backwards to please him.
As with anything else, there’s a right and wrong way to do this. The wrong way would be to get all uptight and defensive. The right way is to play it cool, make a witty come back and continue the light banter on YOUR terms.
For example, he asks for a photo of you.
Make him send you two or three before you send ONE. The one picture you DO send should be strictly PG rated – even if his are X rated.
Make him ask you two or three times before sending a photo as well. Remember – make him work for it!
Note: I’m not against sexy photos. There’s a time and place for sexy nude photos. When you’re first dating a guy, it doesn’t matter HOW much you like him, that is NOT the time for it. Wait until you’re boyfriend/girlfriend, then send all the sexy nude pictures your heart desires.
e). Reward him with your TIME.
Most women feel if they like a guy, they need to go that “extra” mile to show him she’s special.
Do NOT do this.
In the first month or two of dating, the only thing you need to reward him with is your time. Nothing else!
That means if you like him, spend the time getting to know him, making light banter, going out on dates and just “hanging out” together.
You don’t need to sleep with him.
You don’t need to give him gifts.
You don’t need to cook dinner for him.
You don’t need to run any errands for him.
Just reward him with your TIME. That’s it.
Overtime as he starts to invest more and more into you, that’s when you do more for him.
A lot of this comes back to understanding your inherent worth as a human being.
You’re not his sex object. You’re not his cook. You’re not his mother. You’re not his secretary.
Women complain about being treated like “meat” when they often do it to themselves. Set the standard that your COMPANY is value enough.
You throw him teasers through conversation that you’re not some spoiled helpless princess. You “can” cook, clean and care for a guy – but only AFTER he’s proven himself to you.
I’ve covered a good deal about the devices and tactics that will lure a man to chase you.
If you would like more information, I go in-depth into these triggers in my program Attraction Triggers. Within you’ll discover #13 triggers to getting a guy to chase you uncontrollably.
But honestly, what I’ve listed here will get you well on your way.
Coming up in my next instalment Part 4 – I’ll be revealing what PUSHES men away.
A lot of what we’ve talked about thus far is how to “pull” a man to us. But if you want to be especially clever, you must also know what NOT to do.
You could do all the right things but if you do some of the WRONG things, it may still get a guy running for the hills.
Stay tuned. You won’t want to miss what to AVOID to stop pushing and scaring men away.