Are you attracted to alpha males (“masculine/confident men”) but was never able to attract or date an alpha male? Then this article is for you!
Alpha males are dominant, masculine, high-valued and high-powered men. They’re typically the most sought after men in the professional field; think Mr Big in Sex and the City and Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey.
They’re charismatic, successful, hardworking, extremely confident and natural born leaders.
These are the type of men MOST women – at least in their fantasies – are most sexually attracted to and would love to snatch up as a loyal partner.
How to Spot An Alpha Male?
There’s a bit of confusion between good alpha males (those who are wildly successful, confident and treat women with respect) and bad alpha males (the controlling, aggressive bullies who wants to dominate and control everyone).
Many young women fall victim to the BAD alpha males because they will often be very sweet and charming while hiding their more controlling/possessive side in the beginning of the relationship.
The downside to alpha men is often an alpha’s controlling and domineering personality. This can cross into abusive territories VERY quickly – and often women will come out of these relationships emotionally damaged.
Be warned if you are attracted to these types. Make sure you are extremely confident and secure before dating an alpha – or you will easily lose yourself and become controlled by them. A true alpha will seek out confident and secure women. That means you should be able to handle “criticisms” or “controlling behaviours” without taking it too personally. If you can’t – I would think twice before dating an alpha.
Let’s first look at the traits of the typical Alpha Male.
These are probably the traits you’ll find yourself most attracted to and love:
Alpha Male Trait #1 – Natural Born Leader
A true alpha male won’t “try” to lead – he’ll just naturally do it. Often other people will look to him to lead due to his confidence, relaxed nature and the ability to get people to work together.
He doesn’t have to be the loudest person in the world or the richest/most successful one – although CEOs tend to be Alpha Males because they have a natural tendency to advance in their careers very quickly.
Alpha Male Trait #2 – Knows Who He Is
Alpha males know who they are and won’t be afraid to voice their opinions. They are quick to stand up for themselves and their beliefs. They’re much less likely to care what others think and will not be swayed by peer pressure.
They’re confident in themselves and will often not back down from a challenge.
Alpha Male Trait #3 – Protective Of Loved Ones
They are extremely protective of people they care about. They would rather take the fall or get hurt than allow their loved ones to get hurt. They will be quick to defend anyone they feel needs defending.
Alpha Male Trait #4 – Are Excellent Providers
Due to the fact that alpha males are charismatic, hardworking and natural leaders, they tend to advance quickly in their careers. This means they’re often great providers for the family. They also have a natural desire to provide for the woman they love, so expect to be showered with gifts and presents as proof of an alpha’s love for you.
Alpha Male Trait #5 – Charismatic
Alpha males are “people persons” and know how to control a group whilst making everyone feel included and special. People tend to want to please the alpha male. They’re also very likeable and can get along with anyone. With that said alphas are definitely not pushovers and will be quick to shoot people down if they try to exert their power over them.
Spotting an alpha male is not hard for a female. Look for the guy that is confident, self-assured and taking control of the group. Look for the guy that is most charismatic and all the girls seem to swoon around. He’ll probably also be the guy who holds the strongest eye contact.
Now that you know how to identify one, let’s get into the 5 tips on how to attract and DATE an alpha male.
Date An Alpha Male Tip #1 – Alpha Males Are Attracted to Their Opposite – The FEMININE Woman
Alpha males or masculine men are naturally drawn to their opposite – the woman who likes wearing dresses, high heels, and is often found smiling or laughing.
This does NOT mean you need to be supermodel hot or sexy. Being hot and sexy is not the same as being “feminine”.
Being feminine is not just what you look like, it’s about your attitude. A lot of bigger girls or average looking girls can be very feminine because of the way they walk, dress and talk. They would not have any trouble attracting an alpha male.
Being a feminine woman means you bring out your softer more nurturing side. It means you’re more submissive or passive as well.
Because the alpha male will want to open doors, pull out chairs and order/pay for the food/drink – you need to be happy that he’s doing these things for you.
Note: feminists may find this offensive – I get it. But if you want to attract an alpha male, know that they will want a woman who is happy to be in the passenger seat at least half of the time.
Date An Alpha Male Tip #2 – He Leads So You Must Receive
This is often a catch 22 with some women. Because he’ll want to lead, you must be willing and ready to RECEIVE. This means instead of calling him and asking him out, you must “wait” for him to call and ask YOU out.
Note on Attracting an Alpha: Showing initial flirtation towards an Alpha is a great way to boost his ego and capture his attention – but once you have it, you must let him chase you!
It also means when he makes suggestions to “try this, go there or do that”, he’ll expect that you listen to him and go along with it. If you argue or disagree, this will put him off.
I dated an alpha male once. We were trying to make our way back to his car. Some how he had gotten into his head he wanted to take a different route. I thought we were going to get even more lost. When I stopped and tried to go in a different direction, he was visibly annoyed.
Alpha males will expect you to follow – even if they don’t know what they’re doing.
You may have some trouble with this – especially if you also have a strong personality.
But remember, that is just one of the consequences of dating an alpha. The more aware you are of their nature, the better you can adapt to suit them.
Date An Alpha Male Tip #3 – Be a Good Listener & Supporter
Alpha males prefer a woman who listens to them and supports them. You need to pay attention to an alpha male for signs of what he likes, what he doesn’t like, what his dreams are, what his beliefs are or any other insights he wants to share with you. He expects you to listen actively and support him on these things.
Showing genuine interest in an alpha male will make him fall in love faster.
For an alpha male, feeling like he has your support is one of the top things he’ll look for. Due to his ambitious goals, crazy ideas or massive ego, he expects that his woman will be his number one cheerleader in life. That means standing by him, even if you think he’s wrong.
An alpha male will also be listening and paying attention to you too. He’ll want you to have a life of your own, your own passions and your own opinions. This is because alpha males tend to get bored quickly. You must be compelling enough on your own to keep his long term interest.
Date An Alpha Male Tip #4 – Be Positive
Alpha males work in highly stressful professions with big responsibilities. The last thing they want or need is a woman who is negative and always on their case about something.
They have the least tolerance for needy, clingy or negative women. Remember when they’re with you, they expect their time to be relaxing, stress-free and fun. They don’t want their relationship to be just as stressful as their work environment.
Date An Alpha Male Tip #5 – Be Adaptable
Similarly to being positive, you must also be adaptable. Due to an alpha male’s financial and career goals, you may be expected to move, change careers or sacrifice your own short-term plans to accommodate him.
Tip: I’m strongly against giving up your own dreams for a man – so if you want to date an alpha male, you must learn to be both adaptable AND still go after your personal goals.
This may mean doing Long Distance temporarily or other sacrifices to make this work. It’s extremely crucial you communicate this to your man. A man who loves you will also support you on YOUR dreams and goals.
Avoid an Alpha If He:
- Disrespects you or women in general
- Puts you down regularly
- Shows overly controlling tendencies (disapproving of you seeing friends, talking to family, wearing certain clothes etc)
- Overly jealous tendencies
- Temper issues
- Picks at your flaws and weaknesses
I was a bit hesitant to write this article because as attractive as alpha males are, they often come with other problems for a woman.
The irony of Alpha Males is that to ATTRACT an alpha male, a woman will often need to appear soft and submissive.
But when you’re too submissive in a relationship, it advocates an unhealthy dynamic where the man holds the control and power.
In my opinion, a healthy relationship always calls for an EQUAL balance of power.
For this reason, the best match for an alpha male is a woman who can be soft AND strong at the same time.
Aim to be:
Soft and submissive when you need to be; feminine and most attractive to an alpha male.
But also strong, confident and a “leader” in your own right when you need to be.
Most alpha males (whether they’ll admit this or not) actually require this kind of woman. They don’t want a completely passive woman who will do everything they want.
They NEED a woman who talks back and gives her two cents – but a woman who also supports them.
As with most things in life, the “formula” for success lies in the grey zone. It’s not having one quality over another but about having BOTH of these qualities.